Love,
is starving for touch to send its wings into the deep sky.
Love,
wants to shower under the dust of the stars,
wearing nothing but the essence of its existance.
Love,
is starving, looking at you,
leaving dust that shines at your feet.
You,
are starving for love to clothe your existence.
Sitting by a big window. It’s so transparent. I can see though it into the world of trees and bushes existing neatly next to the pieces of my face. The tea steams hot with the scent of mint and the comfort I feel from its presence is enough to bring me back to myself.
A couple walks into my coffee house world. They barely say any words to each other. He orders the drinks, she goes to the bathroom, comes out, then he goes. Her phone rings. She picks up and talks. He comes out, gets the coffee’s. She’s still on the phone. He motions to her with his head to leave. She gets up gets her coffee and he opens the door for her and they walk out.
A group walks in all dressed similar. Their leather jackets read, “Bikers for Christ”. What type of drink do the Bikers for Christ like? Do they go for the hard core straight shot of espresso or something more like a vanilla soy mochachino. This must be the happening spot. They take their time and catch up on their day. A very nice bunch.
There are two women sitting to the right of me having a conversation about party line. I’m not sure what a party line is. They don’t look like the party type of girls. They are both dressed very conservative, but then again I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
To the left of me there is an awkward conversation between two people sitting across the table from each other. I think it might be their first time meeting for a date. She laughs with hesitance a bit loud a bit uncomfortable. He sits and his eyes wander to all corners of the cafe. She looks at her phone and to the guys of the Bikers for Christ crew. She references to them several times making the guy even more uncomfortable. He’s wearing a blue metro uniform with his name on it. He must work for the metro. She plays with her hair and talks too loud.
I am sitting alone in a coffee shop in unfamiliar surroundings. I haven’t been alone in a long while. Just me and my head. Something is in the air. I’ve been feeling it for the past few days now. Something is here or near. Things are once again unfolding like a blanket of stars spilling over this world. There are love songs playing in here, and I am sitting alone, drinking tea, just being. I’m sitting alone. This feels really comfortable in some way. I am comfortable in sitting right here, being alone, listening to love songs, to coffee being brewed, to peoples voices appearing and disappearing with the swing of a door.
Everyone’s world colliding temporarily.
She said:
Are you riding on the back of a shooting star and clinging to the harmony of the galaxies afar?
Are you wandering in the streets of your hearts desire and spinning in the vast ocean of the blue-eyed butterfly?
I am plagued with remembering back on the days where the sun-kissed our souls and lifted us up with its rays…days where the wind spoke to us of its misty corners…I miss feeling like i was a feather…nothing on my shoulders or my back to carry…just an open mind and some music to dance by…some stars to sing by and a river to fly by…
I can feel it! I feel a tremendous change coming! I can feel myself on the verge of walking on water! a miraculous life is on its way.
He said:
A vast world full of hope, I traveled far, I traveled long…i waited for the answers but none arrived…I looked inside my own heart and saw everything i love and hate, i looked into your heart and only saw love perfectly absent of hate. the pain will come before bliss and then we will see who has stuck by their word and who has fled in fear…but please do not cast your shadow upon those who have feared. We all were scared…remember?
There is nothing. It’s rough, it’s dirty, it’s even creepy.
You want to know what type of life can exist out here in these harsh conditions.
And then, there he is. Leonard.
A fully awake spiritual being dedicated to love.
He is one of those extraordinary people in this world that make you smile for no reason. He is magical. Leonard has been living off of the land for over twenty years. He is now 78 years old and shows no signs of slowing down or being 78 for that matter.
Skin darkened from the desert sun. But his eyes burn with blue birds and his soul shames the light from the sun.
Wait, let me back up a little and tell you the backstory of Leonard Knight.
He ended up in the middle of no mans’ land by accident. Driving from Vermont to California his truck broke down in the desert and he broke down crying. He wasn’t always sold on love. He asked God for help fifteen times and just like that he awoke. That’s how this one man journey of salvation began. At first Leonard was only going to stay for a few hours and built a little monument to thank God for the love he had received in that dark moment. And of course there was a much grander plan for him. That’s how Leonard began what is now Salvation Mountain. There are pieces, like a tree he built from huge truck tires and sticks he found laying around that took him ten years to do. He smiles telling the story because at the top of the tree he painted seventeen blue birds in twenty minutes and that’s what he became famous for. Leonard and his blue birds.
His soul is free. He has a purpose. He is such a happy man.
Leonard is so beautiful. He sparkles. He has childlike playful excitement about what he has created. And let me tell you what an astonishing achievement he has single-handedly imagined and brought to reality all for the sake of love. Yes, Love! He has built a mountain from adobe, hay, paint, sticks, and tires.
He has a great motto, I love it, I think the entire world should adapt it “God loves us first…so keep it SIMPLE”
Yes! Thank you Leonard!
Keep it simple. Of course.
As I leave his illuminated world of color and love behind, I can’t help but wonder about all the Leonards of this world existing quietly and building patiently. I leave and face the road and face my reality with the hope that I too can dream up my own awakening.
Heating up under a hot summer night, stars gone dim but the moon still bright, warm tropical breeze, an intoxicating melody burning blue like sapphire and two lost souls conversing in good spirits.
SHE:
two days…one bus…too many strangers…not enough sleep…darkness and then light…light then darkness…two days in constant movement…I think I’ve figured out this world once more…it’s always clear when the body is tortured and the mind left alone in silence…finally the universe and creation became bearable and it’s secret language was as clear as the blue sky that I stepped out to…
HE:
Cheesecakes are not made on assembly lines. perchè?
SHE:
no, they are grown on the trees only sought by a seeker astray in the mirages of a sun drenched desert.
HE:
the likes of Zabriskie Point?
SHE:
I feel it lacks history and that certain energy that follows and lingers through the centuries…so it was more the likes of the Gobi or the Sahara.
HE:
I reciprocate however I am empathically waiting for the desert to blossom like the saffron.
SHE:
does the world seem the same to you over there? I felt like I was in a borrowed dream restless along the sidelines.
HE:
People live their lives and then? People get buried and people get married on the same day, is there more to life then this?
Why did a wise man once write “A name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of one’s being born”. Is there more to our soul then THIS?
SHE:
a wise man’s son once said “vexation of spirit is a waste of thought, negative thinking don’t you waste your time”
you can’t go around the rest of your life perplexing over thoughts and questions that have found no answers in this lifetime and other lifetimes…”the more to life” part comes in when you take your eyes your mind from the wondering universes and bring them down to the details, to the cracks in the pavements highlighted by shadows of trees making the ground look like canvas that no one but earth can create…and so much more…all the time, every day, waiting to be discovered…happiness lies in that…that is life…it’s simple, it’s so clear when you become simple along with it.
HE:
Those were words of a serenade an ode to life, to beauty and to simplicity
This series of letters were written just as a new love was blossoming. A little window into the begenning.
March 24
sona sweetheart, I just heard there was an earthquake off the coast of Tokyo, and now there’s some sort of tsunami alert. I know your okay, and I’m hoping that you remain safe out there. but, please write me or call me if at all possible and let me know that your okay love. I know I said I’d write you a lil something long but this news really disturbs me baby. so get back to me as quickly as possible. love nico
March 25
hi baby…I’m in Osaka right now, so I’m far from the area of the bad stuff happening…I’m actually at this really amazing bar and the bartender is letting me use his computer so I’m going to make it short because I don’t want to be mean….it was sooo good to hear your voice again today…I miss you loads…will write more a bit later…love Sona
March 25
as soon as I found out that there was an earthquake and tsunami alerts I got soo soo nervous for you, you can’t imagine baby, lances girlfriend had called to see if you made any contact with me. I couldn’t really fall asleep without knowing that you were okay. I immediately checked my email and there was no word, 😦 (all I could think was, “is my baby okay, I wish she would turn around and come back to me). I have to admit that the next few hours were absolutely horrible, I all of a sudden I got this 24hr. flu thing. it was the worst, I had the cold sweats and aches and all the while having your concern and well-being racking my brain. my sleep was like in 20minute intervals. during one of those little sleeps I had a small dream that this white-amber like glow was pulling you away from me, you kept looking back and every time I got a better look at you the more you were being pulled away. I was so sad, it was the most awful feeling. so you can imagine how happy I was to hear from you, I knew it was you the minute I heard the phone ring. you never sounded sweeter to me my love. I have to say I was more than relieved to hear everything was okay and that you’re going to be away from the craziness. I was so out of it last night, all I could really remember was, did I ask her every possible question concerning her safety and that I wished I could have pulled you close to me through the telephone wires, you never know baby, the Japanese are very advanced, no? jajaja so all I have to say is please be on your best alert and have fun baby. so tell me, how was the plane flight. were there enough chocolate kisses in the bag for you? did you get to read the letter? I didn’t have a clue what to write and I remembered you asking on different occasions to hear stories about me so I thought I’d give you the “Fast Times at St. Christopher’s,” version. I think
my motivation was to express my “mushy” moments with you. anyways I hope you liked it. and you don’t even know how hard it was to find a candy necklace so, henceforth came the idea of hello kitty bracelets compensatating for the necklace. eat them in good health. speaking of eating I couldn’t remember if you said you had sushi yet, if you remember have a piece of fatty tuna for me with lots of soy and wasabi okay! oh hey was your shawl in the backpack? so I know that it’s about nine in the morning over there on a Monday, I wish you clear skies and a bright warm sun
on that gorgeous face of yours. soak everything in, and I can’t express how excited I am to hear you tell me the tales of your adventures. I miss you so much love, come back to me safely and have an amazing time, and I know you will beautiful. love you…besotes grandisimas y super dulce encima todo tu cuerpo y cara magistral..mi amorcita. Chau nico
March 26
it’s raining here today…I’m writing to you from this tattoo shop that I have been at since all day yesterday and got this tattoo on my side that took four hours…started at 11pm and finished 4:30am went back to the hotel
washed it with hot water to help the bleeding…and now am back here again waiting to catch the train to Kyoto…I’ve never experienced sooooo much pain in my life as I did last night…I thought I was going to die!!!!! the artist that was doing it for me and his master told me that it is the most painful area to get one…it was supposed to be something small but then it grew into something huge!!! anyway….I’m exhausted from the pain and lack of sleep but am in good spirits…feel like I past some kind of milestone in my life with all the pain and all the agony of the birth of this tattoo…am running on beer and cigarettes right now…sorry to hear you got sick…take better care of yourself!! Love Sona
March 28
that’s really fresh that you got some more ink, I’ve been trying to picture in my head what it could be, and the only think that comes to mind is some sort of flower, maybe something real Japanese like lotus blossoms or something or that nature. you said it started out small and turned out huge. so I thought one flower grew to another, I really don’t wish to know because I’d like to be surprised. so are you happy with it? I’m sure you are. you know funny thing today wed., turned out to be this stormy, sunny and violently winday day, (I’m going to leave “Windy” spelt like that, gives it some added depth to the day), so crazy roofs were being ripped open, boats were cap-sizing and huge gaping trees were being plucked from the earth. so weird. and the sky was so, I don’t know really bright and warm on one side and black on the other, and all the while it barely rained. I wished it would. would make me sleep much sounder. I’m actually getting ready to put my head down. I feel tons better so I’m looking forward to crawling into bed. how about you, have you been burning the light at both ends, and are you still running off of beer and cigarettes, I’m sure all of the above. wish I was with you love. well soon enough then huh? I hope this greeting finds you safely and I hope you are doing more than fantastic. I miss you sona! con amor nico
March 28
that’s crazy!!! I would love to have seen that weather…
today we took the train to Kyoto and rented bikes to ride around the city…we went to some insane temples and back roads…one of the temples was surrounded by these most intricate gravestones spread out all along the mountain…as we got to the temple we took our shoes off and went to this underground area where they had made it to look like a mother’s womb and to represent love…so as we walked we had to feel our way in the pitch dark by these large beads that they had put on the wall…I’m not even joking, you couldn’t see anything not even your own hands in front of you…it was the most intense feeling, and then after a while there is this little light shinning on a stone with writing on it…we had to put our hands on it and then make a wish and then spin the stone…it was one of my fave moments among the temples…then we rode down some random streets and found crazy alleys and such and then of course I fell off the bike and scraped the side of my tattoo and my knee and my hand was all bleeding and I still had to ride the bike back to the train station…it was sooooo painful…..I’m still aching from it…I miss you sooooo much…I hope all is good with you out there…Loads of Love Sona
March 28
aww baby are you okay, I’m sorry to hear about the bike accident, I don’t want to imagine how painful that could be, and you had to ride all the way back too. I’m telepathically sending you delicate sweet besos to your scrapes and bruises (imagine the sound of a kiss HERE). I think that maybe it should’ve been you to have traveled with the evil eye. so the underground sounded really cool, were you gasping for breathes or kinda hyperventilating because, of the unknown. I think my heart would be racing so fast. that’s such a great experience. I hope your wish comes true whatever it maybe…everything is cool over here, I’m picking up some new clients and going to try to seek out some more by week’s end. I’m finally getting close to 100% just a little sore throat now. I’m actually glad I was sick the minute after you left because, it made the days go by so much faster. how about you, is the time going by too fast for you? it usually does. well love, continue to have an amazing journey, and be well, oh yeah and watch out for the bumpy roads ok! miss you like you won’t believe! nico
March 29
the underground was way intense and I was feeling a bit dizzy and at times I was starting to doubt that there was an end to it, but then I just let go and let it be and trusted the dark and let it lead me…and soon enough I saw the bit of light and the stone…I’m back in Tokyo today, going to go out later…ummmm, my throat got a bit worse last night and today it’s just been horrible to deal with, but most of the time I try not to pay attention to it so it just doesn’t bother me…I’m not sure if I’m even making any sense right now…but I’m sure you understand…ohhh, I totally forgot to tell you that I got an email from my friend saying that she found my shawl!!!! I knew it was with me that night!!! I guess the cat had thrown it over the couch and she was cleaning the house and found it there!!! I felt sooo relived to know that I hadn’t lost my mind…yet…okay baby…my time is up in 2min so I’m going to end it here…I think of you lots…Sona
March 29
I guess I’ll be just missing you, I was online, (it’s 2:30 here, am) and I got a pop-up saying I received a new email from you so, I immediately wrote to see if they have msn messenger, I would have loved to talked to you, but, soon enough though and in person is better for me anyway. I think that’s so funny that the cat was the culprit, she was so sure that the cat wouldn’t do such a thing and then sure enough…. it resurfaces. maybe next time you have your shawl ready to go somewhere, I’ll be there too. I never told you that I used to take yoga, at least I don’t think I did but, if you would have let me park the car and let me wait with you I would’ve got into the smallest position and hid in the backpack. so are you going to be in Tokyo for the remainder of your trip or are you using Tokyo as an epicenter for activities? I do hope you get the chance to take some pictures, I’d love to see what your eye captures. you paint such lovely stories with you words and the way you express them, (when I’m near you), I can imagine that once you look through the viewfinder, you’ll spot something amazing, as only YOU could. what’s the vibe like over there? tons of energy I can imagine. are the styles their conjuring up super fresh? I do have to say the Japanese are so raw with some of the things they got on there. you know there was an Olympic qualifier for the Japanese futbol team yesterday I think it was, and they had just played Peru as well in a friendly. I hope you’re not trying to play futbol in the streets love, cause I don’t want you to come back with more bumps and bruises, okay, jajajajajajajajajaja muah, just kidding, kind off! so I hope you’re not upset when I tell you that I just came back from my friends’ house and that I rented eternal sunshine, SUPER DOPE FLICK. I was all by myself today, squeezing this last bit of sickness out and I went for a walk and found a Hollywood video and picked it up, there were more than a couple parts that I thought to myself, wow, I’ve already told sona this, or that person was thinking the exact same thing I was when… or holy shit!! sona is that quote-unquote, weird girl who takes me into random buildings, and different places…I felt so good watching it, it made me feel warm inside and it made me, I don’t know, aarrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh…alive. the one scene that really hit home was when they were lying there on the frozen tundra, all I could envision was you and I under a brilliant moon looking at each other. and then I became a bit sad thinking what if something like that happened to me were sona kept popping out of my life, it was like that dream I had the other day were that glow was taking you away from me.. and now you actually are gone, I know for not much longer but, it gave me a stronger reaffirmation about the feelings I have for you. henceforth the aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh I want to scream sometimes because the excitement of you makes me aaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhh, jajajaja, well I know you know what I mean. basgue in the beauty that is… I miss you immensely, enormously, profoundly and patiently…love you…chau linda
April 2
hi baby…so the girls left today and it’s me and one other person now…we barely found a place to stay at because all the hotels and hostels are full…we are staying somewhere for tonight but have nowhere to go for tomorrow…ummm, I think you asked me a load of questions, but I spent all my minutes reading your email so I feel like I’m not going to have time to answer them…but I did love the long email…I can’t believe you saw my fave movie without me!!!!! I’m glad you liked it though….okay, I’ll try to write more tomorrow since I think I’m going to be in the streets with no where to stay at…maybe a cafe that’s open 24/7, we can just crash there till morning…what’s the weather like there? is it hot?sorry for the short email…I promise more words soon…Love Sona
April 2
so after being ill for about a week, I had to keep myself occupied with, shit anything, to make the time go by faster, Saturday was really boring for me, no one felt like going out or anything so I stayed in twiddling my thumbs till I went to sleep. then here comes Sunday, I get a call from one of my clients and he gets to practice a half hour early, so I had to rush straight out to meet with him, all that went fine, it was quick and very productive. I got a call from Melanie and xtian, to come out for a bbq by the airport, I was close so I decided to go. I spent the rest of my day painting eggs for Easter. my egg turned out pretty cool I do have to say. I didn’t get to keep them, because they for the kids, but I am proud of my egg (art)-work anyhow. Sunday left me behind and Monday is greeting me with salutations of my corazon. It was really good to hear from you, it had been awhile since I last heard from you, so waking up to find an email from you has brightened my day:) so its Monday here the 2nd, I imagine it’s the 3rd for you over in Japan. that means two more calendar days till I get to see my heart. what time is your flight out of there? I hope you look back on the trip with sheer enjoyment and peace for your soul. what are we going to do when you get back, do I have to take you straight home, or can I kidnap you for a while? well baby, I can’t wait till I fall asleep tonight, so it will only be one more calendar days for me to see you. if you have the means and the chance to do so, please try and give me a call before you leave, okay. travel safe and be well. love you nico
April 3
it’s my last day here and I just got back from the mountains…it was a two hour train ride that I had to change the train about 5 times and then ride it till the tracks ran out and there was nothing but mountains and rain and clouds weaving in and out of mythical looking trees and brightly colored rivers…from there we took a bus to go explore some caves, while the rain was still pouring, and the bus dropped us off in the middle of nowhere and told us we had to walk and that he would be waiting for us an hour’s walk down from where we had to go…still the rain was pouring…so we walked in silence and in rain and saw snow covered peaks that were a touch away from my hands, and finally found the caves…it was sooooo beautiful, but after being in there for a while, I started craving the outside world again…at some parts the air was soooo thin you could hardly breathe…but we made it through its mazes and came out to a stronger rain fall, and started to walk back to where the bus said it would be waiting for us…it was one of the most amazing walks I have ever taken…I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful the mountains looked…they have a shape to them that I have never seen anywhere else in the world…it almost seems to be unreal, very magical looking, and the clouds seemed to dance around them, showing a bit here and there and then all of the sudden opening up to reveal the entire figure that looked like the shape of a very curved oval…I didn’t want that walk to end….along the way there were these girls walking as well, and I started to talk to them and all of the sudden we broke out into song…they loved the band KISS so we were singing the only song that I knew from them all the while the ancients around us asleep…
anyway, I leave today…my flight is at 4:55pm, I arrive there I think 10:30am or something…it’s a united flight…I’ll see you in a bit then…Love Sona
Everything, when in the state of dreaming, is so much more approachable and believable from afar. It is more adored and lived through then when it becomes tangible, touchable.
Let’s say a vision, a dream, whether it be a person you’re craving for, a place you’re longing to be, a success you’re crawling to achieve, when it is realized and becomes true for the moment, the dreamer can’t believe it. This becomes so difficult to except that the person will just let it go and think, “I am not enjoying this because it is not how I saw it or dreamed it to be”.
Nothing is ever as exact as the dream, therefore it’s better. The unexpected quality that life brews up to present your dream is what makes it beautiful and memorable.
The dream is just an open road, showing that it is possible to walk it. It is a gateway.
I watched a beautiful, ever so gentle sunset yesterday.
It was nice being out in the beach by the ocean by the waves that were crushing sand in my toes. Seeing the birds hang about like they just knew it all like they own it all. It was great to catch a sunset. To get soaked in its colors, to be apart of its daily ritual.
I feel like the sun knew I was coming out. I feel like the sun knew I had a talk with my heart, that I chose my heart that I went back to my heart and the sun wanted to congratulate me to let me know that I had come back to the world of passion. I feel like the world just welcomed me back in its perfect colors.
I’m glad I made it out to the beach. I’m glad I got to be…feet touching water, skin touching life. I’m glad to be back to where I feel at home, where the world shifts back to beauty and love and passion and truth.
what’s next love?
“how about the world.”
the world? how will we do that?
“how we do everything in our lives…blindly and boldly.”
Sona Ovasapyan's Blog 