For a moment, I lost my self


i woke up this morning to a majestic sky streaked with golden highlights and amber tints. shook me to my core of how the world wakes up with me with such silent beauty. i’ve been silent for a while. i gave birth about four months ago to a blue eyed baby girl who has become the center of my world. being a mom for the first time, i found it hard to write. all my energies have been focused on taking care of lusine. she is it. i came to terms and to a slow acceptance that writing no longer was in my world. that my boat with writing had sailed. this wasn’t easy to do, but every day i gave in little by little till the notion of writing was far beyond my reaches. it wasn’t easy to accept but i didn’t want to go against the natural forces of life. before i never had to think about writing, it always just came to me. beautiful words spun themselves into sentences and intoxicated me with their existence and i went along with them and played for as long as they would let me. but having a baby the ease of this talent sunk and words no longer came out to serenade me. so i did what i thought was the right thing, i let them go and let them be…without me. until this morning, with the grandeur of the universe waking up with me in such colors that it melted my heart. i got a call today from an old friend. out of the blue. she is one of the best treasures i have found in this life and i hold to her dearly. my fondest memory of carolyn goes back more than ten years ago in prague floating on the vltava river in mid morning on a nearly empty boat with her singing “que sera sera” and drawing a picture in someone’s graffiti book. i fell in love with her instantly! she was magic! and so today this very day that the sky spoke to my heart she called me and she called me out. i mean that. she called me out! she called the me that was tucked inside ready to give all this up, out! “for gawd sakes sona write!” and then there were also some profanities in that conversation. so, carolyn, here i am, baby taking a nap, and im writing. like you said, one word at a time.


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